The Breakfast Club - Where the only meal is lunch

EAT MY SHORTS!

I had seen The Breakfast Club in parts many times growing up but I don’t remember ever actually seeing it start to finish. That changed last night.

It’s safe to say that I had very little in common with any of these characters. My home life was pretty awesome, so I never felt compelled to beat up a kid in the locker room or pretend to be a nymphomaniac or get an earring. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy the movie. Sure, it’s teenage hormones gone wild, but it’s a very efficient character study for each of the five stereotypes who get detention Saturday morning. And in the end, everyone finds love … except Anthony Michael Hall, who unfortunately will never find true love.

I don’t have to tell you the story here. Five kids, each coincidentally a different stereotype, end up with detention on a Saturday. They all did different things, but only AMH failed to kill himself on school grounds and instead had his flare gun go off in his locker. You’ll never believe this, but they all bond through their hatred of a common enemy, Principal Richard Vernon, a little pot, and a typically 80s melodramatic weep fest of teen angst, “no one understands me,” high school feelings. “Well everyone’s home life is unsettling. If it wasn’t, we’d all live with our parents our whole lives.” Wisdom from the moths of babes.

The performances are all terrific, though. Even Judd Nelson as the brooding, shouting “burner” is convincingly messed up. And it’s easy to believe AMH as a member of the Math Club, Physics Club, and Latin Club. (I was only in two of those, so I’m like way cooler.)

Since this is an 80s movie, there needs to be an awesome montage. And this one has two great ones. The first is of the kids running back to the library, while the second sees them dancing in the library after the incident with the weed and the tearful confessions.

The movie takes place over just 8 hours, but you feel as if you know each of the characters well by the end. So when Judd Nelson happily jumps with joy after getting Molly Ringwald’s diamond earring, you feel good for him.

I do, however, take exception to one of the resolutions at the end. Emilio Estevez and Ally Sheedy end up getting together, but only after Molly Ringwald gives her a complete makeover. His friends would never let him be with her as she was, but if she’s willing to be a different person, then it’s okay.

For that, I have to take away one of Swayze’s abs, bringing us down to 4.