Top Gun - where the danger zone is everywhere

Top Gun is that rare movie where things that shouldn’t work actually make the movie better. The acting is incredibly over the top, the plot makes little sense, the villains are faceless and ambiguous (we never actually know where the MIGs are from), and series of implausible events (and timely exposition) pop up out of nowhere to move the plot forward and the characters wherever they need to end up. And yet, I can’t help loving this movie.

I admit a lot of it is probably nostalgia. I can’t count the number of times I saw this movie growing up back when I didn’t really care about huge plot holes or that characters’ motivations turned on a dime. It’s the quintessential 80s blockbuster: an incredible soundtrack (“something something DANGER ZONE!” as Archer would say); a moody protagonist fighting demons (think Lethal Weapon with far fewer suicidal tendencies); an unsurprising lack of minorities; one-note, underdeveloped antagonists (seriously – you can’t even see their eyes!); a shouting authority figure who reluctantly accepts the foolishness of the movie’s lead (Beverly Hills Cop, Lethal Weapon again); and a final battle scene where we think the protagonist’s demons will overwhelm him, only to see him triumph over evil once and for all (every Rocky sequel). Cliché, cheesy, and oh so enjoyable.

Maverick (Tom Cruise) is a hot shot Navy pilot serving in the Middle East with his partner, Goose (Anthony Edwards), who has an encounter with a mysterious enemy “MIG” aircraft before being sent to Top Gun, flight school for the best of the best. There they will train with other pilots for the title of Top Gun, a very prestigious award whose winner will be immortalized on a plague almost no one will see. Maverick also has daddy issues; his father died in a mysterious incident a few years back, and the official story is it was all his fault. This comes up a few times, so you would be correct in assuming this hang over the movie until the last possible minute, when the plot requires that he find out the truth.

At Top Gun, Maverick falls for his female instructor, a specialist in MIGs, and battles his main rival Ice Man (Val Kilmer – he’s everywhere!) both in the air and on the volleyball court. You remember this volleyball scene: three shirtless men sweating and hugging a lot and trying to include Anthony Edwards, who unfortunately didn’t the shirtless memo. The fun is short lived as Maverick and Goose go down in a training exercise in which Goose somehow dies. Maverick is devastated and basically drops out of Top Gun. He meets with the head guy (and also first Top Gun winner!), who tells him that he both has enough credits to graduate (sure) and that he was there – the accident was not his father’s fault and he in fact died heroically. It’s unclear why no one can know about this, but I assume it’s so we can see a moody, hilariously depressed Tom Cruise bumble around for a few scenes.

Coincidentally, there is a MIG attack during graduation, and the only hope are the new graduates. Ice Man, newly crowned Top Gun, takes the lead and Maverick is called in as back up, should the other planes need it. Naturally, they do. Ice Man doesn’t trust Maverick, but when it’s clear the MIGs outnumber the good guys, the Navy sends in a single backup jet (Maverick’s) and he of course saves the day. They return to the carrier to much rejoicing, and Ice Man and Maverick hug. “You can be my wingman any day!” Maverick also throws his father’s dog tags, which he’s worn around his neck and on his shoulders, into the ocean because SYMBOLISM!

This is a Michael Bay movie, so subtlety is prohibited. There’s also amble machismo, little diversity, and only two women in the movie. But sometimes, you just feel the need. The need for speed. This is a brainless, thoroughly enjoyable escape. The flight scenes are done remarkably well, and I remember hearing years ago they borrowed actual Navy jets (and had to promise not to crash any.) It’s amazing what a difference using real equipment makes in a movie; in the age of CGI, over-the-top effects, this movie is a nice throwback to the days of real stunts with real machines. Even if the acting and story are hard to believe, the action sequences are very enjoyable. This movie succeeds because of the cheese, not in spite of it, and it holds up remarkably well as a piece of 1980s, cold war action.

Top Gun: 4 of Patrick Swayze’s 6 abs

Risky Business - where business is good

I essentially knew nothing about this movie, having never seen it growing up. I knew that Tom Cruise did the dance in his underwear, but that was it. So imagine my surprise when he turns pimp!

In Risky Business, a very young Tom Cruise is left home alone while his parents visit a sick aunt. He's a straight arrow, focusing on school, the SATs, and getting into Princeton. His buddies, however, convince him to contact a call girl, which he does with the naivety of a 17 year old. After a night of doing what they do, Tom has to leave her to cash in a bond ("We hope your life is full of joy and happiness. Love Grandpa and Grandma.") to pay the $300. He returns to find that she's stolen a very valuable and very dear to Mom crystal egg. He tracks her down and rescues her from an abusive pimp, and she stays another night in the house. Tom once again leaves her, this time to attend school, and comes home to find a friend of hers earned some money from one of his friends. Tom gets a cut because it's his house, and, after doing some drugs (his first time), they go out for a night of fun which ends when Tom drives his dad's Porsche into Lake Michigan.

Having previously declined a business offer from his young hooker friend but now desperate for money to pay for the damages, Tom agrees to hose a one night soiree to hook up his lonely friends and classmates with Lana's friends and associates. They make a killing, Tom rakes in $8,000 in one night and even takes care of the interviewer from Princeton, who of course comes that night and is somewhat ... surprised. Lana takes Tom out on the town because she wants to do it on a train (yes this happened) and the ride all night until they are alone and do just that. Tom returns home to find an empty house. Literally empty, as Lana's pimp has stolen everything as punishment for taking his business. He returns with a UHaul truck and sells back all of the furniture, draining all of poor Tom's hard earned money. His parents return that afternoon none the wiser (minus a tiny scratch on the egg), and the Princeton interviewer calls his dad and boasts what a great student he'll make.

 
I have to admit I enjoyed this one, and not just because it was fun to watch a Tom Cruise movie before he went totally crazy. The performances are very reserved which allows for the story to grab you to the point where, sure, I can believe this 17 year old is a pimp. There are also quite a few funny scenes, including Tom telling the school nurse why he missed school and should have the absences excused. "To be honest, I met a call girl," he begins as she's filling out the unexcused absence form. "You're still writing! I just need a little compassion!" There's a great sight gag after he picks up the repaired Porsche and drives about 20 MPH with his blinking lights, so terrified he's going to do anything else to the car. Then while his friends are putting the furniture back in the house, one of his friends makes the point that the figures on the bookshelf should be arranged by century. "You don't want to mix cultures, either."

It's another of those crazy coming-of-age stories that is wild but just believable enough to be fun.

In one of the final scenes, Tom meets with Lana for brunch and asks if that night on the train - which meant so much to him - was all part of a trick to get him out of the house. She takes a long pause and says that no, it wasn't just to occupy him. "You don't believe me, do you?" I've given it some thought, and I'm not sure whether we are supposed to or not. The two of them have a great chemistry so that when she's begging him to leave with her, it could really be that the train ride was all her idea. The movie ends with their roles reversed, repeating dialog from their first night together only Lana is playing the part of the naive, inexperienced girl. So maybe it was all an act.

Or maybe it really doesn't matter.

Risky Business: 5 of Patrick Swayze's 6 abs.

Extra abs

- Apparently sales of the Ray Bans Tom wears in this movie shot up 2,000% following the movie's release.

- The song playing on the train is Phil Collins'"In the Air Tonight."

- Bronson Pinchot plays one of the high school friends. He'd of course go on to star in Perfect Strangers, so it's hard to take anything he says seriously.

- The pimp is played with swarmy delight by Joe Pantoliano. Sadly, he was already going bold some 15 years before selling his soul in The Matrix.

The Outsiders - a negative review

A few months back I read the excerpt from Rob Lowe’s book where he talked about being cast in The Outsiders. It got me interested, and I finally picked it up from the library and watched it last night.

That was my first mistake.

I had high hopes going in. Why wouldn’t I? Francis Ford Coppola directing a great cast, including the young Patrick Swayze, Matt Dylan, Tom Cruise, Rob Lowe, Ralph Macchio, C. Thomas Howell, Diane Lane, and more. But it became clear very quickly that nothing was going to save this movie.
Coppola, best I can tell, was looking for a classic movie vibe, with a score that never leaves room for the teary, melodramatic dialogue to breathe. The acting is over the top. The story starts off simply enough, where the greasers and soc don’t get along.

And then, all of a sudden, 14-year-old Ralph Macchio stabs at least three people to death.

So he goes into hiding, showing little remorse after those first few minutes. He and Howell decide to return after they hear that they can claim self-defense and only be charged with a misdemeanor. Unfortunately, before they can get there, they return to the abandoned church they had been hiding in to find it ablaze … with school children trapped inside? What are the kids doing in the church? Is this a field trip? During the week that the greasers are hiding there, we see countless wild animals - raccoons, rats, and owls - running amok here. Is this really the best place to take a school bus full of 5-year-olds?

Whatever the reason, the children are trapped. The greasers go in to save them, because the teachers are just standing around saying “I think we’re missing some kids! Oh well. Back on the bus!” The church collapses and the Karate Kid is seriously hurt.

And the story in the paper the next day declares them heroes. THEY KILLED THREE PEOPLE A WEEK AGO.

So Howell (who’s name, I may have failed to mention, is Ponyboy. His brother, Rob Lowe, is Soda Pop. These are their Christian names. You name your kid Ponyboy, can you really be surprised if he’s “an outsider?”) returns home where older brother Patrick Swayze is the man of the house. The state decides the teenagers don’t need to go to a boys home, even though, again THERE ARE THREE DEAD HIGH SCHOOLERS.

Anyway, there’s a brawl between the soc and the greasers (no weapons!) and the greasers win, probably because the soc wore their Sunday best and I have to believe that hampers your flexibility in a fight. Ponyboy goes to tell Karate Kid the good news, but he dies after telling him to “stay golden” and painfully and without subtlety explaining the meaning of a Robert Frost poem.

I haven’t mentioned Matt Dylan yet. He gets top billing in the movie, but his acting is absolutely atrocious. He doesn’t take the Karate Kid’s death well, robs a gas station, leads the police to the park where the murders took place, pulls out his unloaded gun and the police shoot him many times, even after he’s fallen and is just crawling on the ground. Naturally, the greasers were there to see it.
Ponyboy writes it all down. THE END.

I understand what Coppola was going for, I think. The scene, the score, the tone, the dialogue, the editing - it’s all like a 1950s movie, only with a much darker story. But it just doesn’t mesh. The crazy plot turns completely took me out of the movie. The acting - and I realize these guys are young - was cheesy, which may have been a conscious decision, but that ruined it for me.

So, I cannot recommend this movie. But it did remind me of how awesome Patrick Swayze is. And I am officially going on a bender of his movies. So stay tuned!