Ghost, or the one with Unchained Melody

When I first saw this movie as a kid, I thoroughly enjoyed it. The concept – a man’s ghost stays on earth to avenge his murder and save the life of his girlfriend – was exciting. Carl Bruner, the movie’s villain, is an all-time bad guy; a sleazeball in the tradition of Wall Street played with an immensely hateable unpleasantness. And who could forget the iconic moments? Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore at the pottery wheel (he’s corporeal in this scene, no matter what you guys may think). Willy Lopez being dragged to Hell. Patrick Swayze embodying Whoopi Goldberg and kissing Demi one more time.

But watching the movie again this week, I was disappointed. It’s an incredibly slow build to the climax, and for a two-hour movie, not much happens. Sam Wheat (Patrick Swayze) dies early in the movie then spends the rest of the film with a series of pained/surprised/horrified looks on his face as he very slowly unravels the mystery of his death and learns of his friend’s betrayal. That’s it. With the help of a convicted con artist turned “spiritual advisor” who can hear him (Ode Mae, played by Whoopi), he exposes Carl for what he did and saves the lives of both Demi and Whoopi.

Beyond the plot, the special effects are awful. Despite this, they still make a point of emphasizing every ghost-related movement with a loud sound effect, which only draws attention to the thick black lines and green screen. I don’t totally understand why walking through a wall or pushing a soda can would produce a “WHOOSH” sound, but then again, I doubt that a ghost could apprehend its own killer.

The performances are good. Whoopi Goldberg is great interacting with first Sam’s ghost then the other ghosts that pop up. And the scene where she withdraws the stolen money, wearing a garish pink dress and hat, is genuinely funny. And of course, the Swayze faces are terrific. Demi Moore cries a lot. She’s a trooper. But really, Tony Goldwyn’s Carl steals the film. He’s just so awful, so manipulative, so condescending, and so despicable. Watching him hit on his best friend’s widow just weeks after his funeral is disgusting. And his manic behavior after losing the money he was laundering, the frantic nastiness he oozes is fantastic. I’ve never enjoyed watching someone be dragged kicking and screaming to hell more.

The movie is worth watching if only for Patrick Swayze’s hair and pants that he wears way too high. And the faces. He makes some great faces. Other than that, I’d stick with Road House or Red Dawn.

I give Ghost 3 ½ of 6 Swayze abs.

Dirty Dancing - a better, more believable version of The Outsiders

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I kick off my Patrick Swayze love fest with another one of his period pieces, Dirty Dancing. It’s easy to compare this movie to The Outsiders, weird as it may seem, because of its look at a “simpler” time in American history. And in the comparison, Dirty Dancing comes out far, far ahead.

(Please note: I am inherently biased towards this movie because I grew up on this movie’s soundtrack, which features a Patrick Swayze original song which I may or may not have sung karaoke to last year.)

The movie centers on Francis “Baby” Houseman, whose family spends the summer of 1963 in the Catskill Mountains. This is pre-Beatles, pre-JFK assassination, where abortions are illegal and 17-year-old young ladies have no problem with the nickname “Baby.” The uptight squares spend some time in the mountains, putting up with the antics of the lowlife wait/dance staff, an almost perfect stand in for the greasers from The Outsiders. It’s soc vs. greasers again, only without the knives, collapsed church, and murder. (Or is it? Abortion – discuss!)

Baby learns that a dancer, Penny, is pregnant and needs help, though the A-word is never actually used. (“She’s in trouble.” “She needs a super secret, illegal medical procedure.” Etc.) The procedure will require that she miss a performance, so Baby volunteers to learn her part and dance with ultra-sexy dancer, Johnny Castle (Swayze). Naturally, because the dancing is sensual, they start dancing horizontally too, or as super-classy Robbie would say, Baby goes slumming.

Long story short, Dad forbids Baby from hanging out with the low-born after having to take care of Penny post-procedure (the guy didn’t even use anesthesia and messed things up). Johnny stops sleeping with his wealthy cougar to prove his love for Baby, but she learns of this young lovers’ dalliances and promptly frames his for stealing wallets, for which he is fired. Baby says it can’t be him because they were together all night, Dad is sad, Johnny is fired anyway, and then it’s the final big show of the summer.

Johnny, who always does the last song, comes despite his being firing, and finds Baby in the corner. He says Baby shouldn’t be in corners (or something to that affect) and they do the big dance, complete with the impossible lift. All the old people love it and dance despite the whiff of 1960s hippie culture on the horizon, everyone is happy, Dad finally learns Johnny wasn’t the one who “got Penny in trouble,” maybe there’s a place for this idyllic place in a rock ‘n roll world after all!

Even Emily Gilmore is impressed!

Look, this movie is cheesy and romantic, the type of movie I should hate. But I just can’t. It’s a nostalgic look at the early 1960s, when the baby boomers ruined the world for war heroes. It’s an honest depiction of the way things were, it features a believable love story, and the chemistry between Swayze and Jennifer Grey is great. She shows genuine attraction from the beginning, and he exudes palpable hatred which slowly turns to lust, as these things do. The soundtrack is fantastic and never intrusive, and the scenes never drag or take me out of the story.

If you’re only going to watch one soc. vs. greaser Patrick Swayze movie, make it this one!

The Outsiders - a negative review

A few months back I read the excerpt from Rob Lowe’s book where he talked about being cast in The Outsiders. It got me interested, and I finally picked it up from the library and watched it last night.

That was my first mistake.

I had high hopes going in. Why wouldn’t I? Francis Ford Coppola directing a great cast, including the young Patrick Swayze, Matt Dylan, Tom Cruise, Rob Lowe, Ralph Macchio, C. Thomas Howell, Diane Lane, and more. But it became clear very quickly that nothing was going to save this movie.
Coppola, best I can tell, was looking for a classic movie vibe, with a score that never leaves room for the teary, melodramatic dialogue to breathe. The acting is over the top. The story starts off simply enough, where the greasers and soc don’t get along.

And then, all of a sudden, 14-year-old Ralph Macchio stabs at least three people to death.

So he goes into hiding, showing little remorse after those first few minutes. He and Howell decide to return after they hear that they can claim self-defense and only be charged with a misdemeanor. Unfortunately, before they can get there, they return to the abandoned church they had been hiding in to find it ablaze … with school children trapped inside? What are the kids doing in the church? Is this a field trip? During the week that the greasers are hiding there, we see countless wild animals - raccoons, rats, and owls - running amok here. Is this really the best place to take a school bus full of 5-year-olds?

Whatever the reason, the children are trapped. The greasers go in to save them, because the teachers are just standing around saying “I think we’re missing some kids! Oh well. Back on the bus!” The church collapses and the Karate Kid is seriously hurt.

And the story in the paper the next day declares them heroes. THEY KILLED THREE PEOPLE A WEEK AGO.

So Howell (who’s name, I may have failed to mention, is Ponyboy. His brother, Rob Lowe, is Soda Pop. These are their Christian names. You name your kid Ponyboy, can you really be surprised if he’s “an outsider?”) returns home where older brother Patrick Swayze is the man of the house. The state decides the teenagers don’t need to go to a boys home, even though, again THERE ARE THREE DEAD HIGH SCHOOLERS.

Anyway, there’s a brawl between the soc and the greasers (no weapons!) and the greasers win, probably because the soc wore their Sunday best and I have to believe that hampers your flexibility in a fight. Ponyboy goes to tell Karate Kid the good news, but he dies after telling him to “stay golden” and painfully and without subtlety explaining the meaning of a Robert Frost poem.

I haven’t mentioned Matt Dylan yet. He gets top billing in the movie, but his acting is absolutely atrocious. He doesn’t take the Karate Kid’s death well, robs a gas station, leads the police to the park where the murders took place, pulls out his unloaded gun and the police shoot him many times, even after he’s fallen and is just crawling on the ground. Naturally, the greasers were there to see it.
Ponyboy writes it all down. THE END.

I understand what Coppola was going for, I think. The scene, the score, the tone, the dialogue, the editing - it’s all like a 1950s movie, only with a much darker story. But it just doesn’t mesh. The crazy plot turns completely took me out of the movie. The acting - and I realize these guys are young - was cheesy, which may have been a conscious decision, but that ruined it for me.

So, I cannot recommend this movie. But it did remind me of how awesome Patrick Swayze is. And I am officially going on a bender of his movies. So stay tuned!